When I was younger, Saturdays were the official clean-up day in our house. For us siblings, Mom declared the first day of weekend for massive "fix your mess", "do your laundry", and "freed the spiders underneath your beds" day. No matter how late we wake up, we all need to get Mom's approval of what we have accomplished before the same day ends. That was the most hated part of supposed to be a day for rest and play but what can we do, Mom rules in the house than Dad. Looking back now, I realized everything Mom told us especially me and my elder sister, that it is expected that us ladies should adore cleanliness more than men. Since we invest more stuff, we store just anything, we value even the tiniest and the least important stuff in our hands because of the so-called "sentimental value", it is oftentimes we are the real culprit of our clutter. We would always refer to men as unrefined in nature, indolent and messy. We also hate them for being insensitive. This is so true because I used to think of Jhun then as the most insensitive of his kind when we started to live in one roof. I wonder if the other women who got pregnant for the first time were thinking and acting like the way I was then because most of them for sure will care about their new shared-life, mommy-hood, family and babies. Me? I mind first about my new haven and that is Jhun’s room which we are going to share eternally (?) J. And since I can no longer contain my solitude, I made sure than I won’t be living a domestic life with a vulgar husbandJ. I know that Jhun is very organize of his things, he’s neat and he hates vulgar as well J so at first I thought everything is going to be smooth (I'm not talking about relationship here…will write a separate blog for that (*wink). I was excited to transfer my stuff then because I knew that Jhun’s room was huge and spacious but to my dismay, he never allowed me to bring in more stuff except my clothes and a few toiletries. And talking about my clothes, they were just store in a plastic wheeled-box! Yes it was just a box, no “es”. I was literally crying, I felt deprived, I pity myself and I couldn’t move on over an issue of a “dura box” was that? Jhun explained that since he’s a big man and his clothes are big, his cabinet has no more space to accommodate mine. My reaction was “So what?!!” Who said I wanted to share a closet with you? That’s why I wanted my stuff, my furniture and my appliances because I wanted to keep them intact, and always with me, they are my most-prized possession. But Jhun never gave in that fast. Every morning I have an issue, I long for my mini lampshade on the bed’s side, I long for my cottony “kikay” slippers perfectly positioned from the bottom area of the bed, I long for the same face who greets me in the mirror attached in the hairdresser as I rise…. Imagine these issues I have to deal with more than my “real” issues during the first trimester of my pregnancy, it was a double-take torture! And for my beloved Jhun to comprehend, I don’t see happening real soon.
Finally after a month of showing stubbornness which I play to pretend as part of hormonal changes and mood swings, I got what I wanted but not quick and easy. Every month I was able to retrieve my stuff one by one from my parent’s house and Jhun barely noticesJ. He only got the chance when he looked for something trying to find from the old place he remember keeping it the last time. He couldn’t find elsewhere because my stuff are already in placeJ.
Now, almost 30% of our room contained my stuff and Jhun couldn’t just argue anymore, as long as it’s not anything for my unknown collections, scrap books, letters or notes, they are acceptable to him. He thought me how to let go of the unnecessary stuff in my belongings. Even my most prized possessions, he asked me to give them away even if I tried to make a bargain. He would always say, “Yours is not mine and mine is not yours at the time we haven’t met. Now, whatever yours is mine and whatever mine is yours…this is just like our life now…sometimes we need to let go of memories in order for us to start anew beautifully, no hang-ups, no but’s and no turning back. Cherish what you have and whatever you will have with whom you are with right now and you’ll appreciate them more than anything from your past..” Indeed so true..i never expected Jhun’s wisdom can be that depth In terms of emotional principles …I have loved de-cluttering now because of him :).